~111uminate

Do I belong here? I think that remains to be seen.

Allow me to sit back and laugh. So far, one of the predictions of the afore-mentioned psychic in a previous journal entry came true. The following day of writing that entry, I recieved mail at my Mother's house which was anything but a regular commodity. It turns out someone and their company is being sued for sending out threatening letters to damage the credit of people who owed them money. Evidently, I'm one of those people amongst 180,000 others, in which case the company is being sued for two different reasons for a total of $300,000. In the letter, it said each plaintiff may recieve up to $1000 at the end of January. I can't help but think that psychic was [right on the money], pun intended ..

He also mentioned I would be returning to School, which hasn't necessarily happened yet, but I feel it will. I've been getting a lot of encouragement from people to become an English Teacher, which has worked wonders for my drive to do that. One of the most influential people in my life has been an English Teacher, and since then I've always held a fascination for that position. Fortunately enough, I've known a lot of influential and open minded older people in my life, so I consider them my peers, and myself their contemporary. The thought of being in a situation to where I can guide and teach people is both satisfying and challenging. We'll see what the thread sows.

Another interesting bit of information is that through contacting that Book vendor I met at the faire, I learned of the existence of an Institute for Hermetic Studies within walking distance of my house. If that isn't a humdinger of a discovery I don't know what is. They offer a four year course on everything related to Western Esotericism, and have a conjoined temple for it's obvious purposes. I don't know for certain, but it's my gut instinct that he's probably a Teacher there. He seems to be very well versed into the likes of Western Esotericism and many Eastern philosophies regarding magick and alchemy. I read a few of his papers on his Yahoo group and I was quite impressed. He spoke of the alchemical transmutation of human blood through meditation and certain rites, theurgy, and the Masonic chamber of reflection to name a few. The Chamber of Reflection is a little known item of Masonic lore, and he covered it in detail. I am thoroughly impressed.

So, the chances are strongly in my favor that I will be returning to some kind of School, be it one for Western Esotericism, a Bachelors in English, or both. That former prediction ringing true, and the high probability of his other one being true takes me back to his other comment. Perhaps he wasn't as half-cocked as I imagined? Could I have completely over-looked his predictions? What did he mean about the opening of my third eye? So many questions. I think it may be a safe idea to work on opening the rest of my chakras and truly find out what is open, and what isn't ..

.. In other news, the psychic my Mother met has actually kept in touch with her. They've talked a few times over the phone, and she's been giving her free readings. Guess she is legit after all. She asked my Mother if she wanted a party that she hosts, and she could even make time for it considering she was booked until June. So sometime in May, I'll be attending a " Psychic party " . I feel more inclined to meet this woman than seeing the psychic I met. Either way, I have a lot to look forward to in the coming months.

So over the weekend my Mother told me about this visit she had with a female psychic. Apparently it went very well considering how moved she was. This chick was dead on not with one thing, but many. She knew about my younger Brother getting in trouble last week in School, the man my Mother has been [attached] to for the last fifteen years in the form of my Step-Father, and even my Mother's child-hood. I'm not too familiar with the way psychics work, but I do know my Mother paid her for this visit, and there's a long existing notion that if you're paying, you're being lied to. Choosing to neither believe, or disbelieve that idea I took what my Mother said with a grain of salt and open ears. Apparently our bloodline is that of royal status, and in a past life my Mother was a Princess according to this lady. Upon the ending of the session, she told me the woman whispered in her ear, " You have the DNA of an angel. ". Not to mention the white color in the picture of her aura they took, which she said was the presence of an angel. They later exchanged numbers and decided to keep in touch for whatever reason.

She had a dove in a cage next to her at all times, which she instructed each person to touch with both hands before the reading to decide which side of their brains were dominant. I found that interesting. According to my Mother she's World Renowned, and is in the process of having a radio show started and possibly a television series. A lot of my Mother's friends also find her legitimate for they've been seeing her for a number of years, and many of her predictions have come true. I'm really not sure where I stand with this, but the purpose of emphasis on this woman is to recognize that she's not some balding Wiccan male in the form of a washed up Brittain, like my psychic ...

Indeed, the next day I decided to make a stop over to this " Psychic Faire " as it was called with a friend-girl to scope it out. It had the typical New Age vibe going on with all sorts of jewelry being sold, incense, candles and what have you. I set up an appointment for a reading with the same woman my Mother had, but she was all booked. She asked me if I wanted to see someone else, so I shrugged and obliged. I walked around for a few minutes waiting for my appointment to begin, and oddly enough I found an interesting bookstand. Seeing the contents on the shelves, I could only muster one thought, " I came to the right place. ". Books ranging from texts on Crowley, Kenneth Grant, the O.T.O., The Golden Dawn, The Qabalah and the Tree of Life, and such authors as Isreal Regardie and Crowley himself. This Book stand was mine. One of the vendors confronted me and asked if I was looking for anything in particular. I paused a moment, and asked if he had anything on the Ordo Templi Orientis, in which case he paused a moment and brought me to the proper shelves. He pointed out a few Books to me which I knew were popular, and proper for the neophyte, but I illustrated to him my interests were a bit .. higher. We engaged in an interesting conversation about the Templar History and the Graal Bloodline, and even into some controversial practices some orders partake in. Clearly he was impressed with my knowledge of the subject and asked me how old I was. I told him, and he didn't find it in him to believe me. Needless to say, that put some things into perspective for me.

My time of wandering was over and it was time for my appointment. I was seeing the only male psychic there, who's name was Jonathan. I sat down with him and he greeted me and explained briefly the procedure all with his very British smile. At this point I was open and welcoming anything, which made it easier for me later to come to the conclusion that this guy was off his rocker. He dwelled on too many subjects and seemingly mistook me for a bonehead. He talked about how lawyers, politicians and many people in power throughout history have had psychic advisors, which I knew. He told me even Hitler had one, in which case I let him know the name of that medium, which is Carl Croft. Pausing a moment (Which he did often.), he decided to go on with the reading. He started off with telling that I'm going to be having a large financial gain in the next few months, which even I know is a cliche in psychic circles. I nodded, and he proceeded to tell me that I may have trouble with the bones in my wrists and joints later on in life, and asked if I did anything with cracking them often. I told him I type on a keyboard quite a bit, so he said I should take some kind of calcium supplement to counter it. This is the part where I become confident that this guy is full of [British] shit.

He spent twenty minutes talking about calcium and vitamins. Something to pass the time? Surely. He went into some people eating toe-nails (Eating toe-nails?), grinding bone meal (Grinding bone-meal?), and something or other with horse's hoofs. In a nutshell, this guy told me absolutely nothing about myself and his predictions were third rate. Near the end of the reading he said I could ask him some questions by taking his hand. I did such, and asked him where I might be in the next few months concerning the left hand path. I should have kept my mouth shut. He veered off into this whole other tangent which was merely conversation. It was completely irrelevent to the reading. He talked for about a straight half an hour about magickal principles and his thoughts on them. He did mention something interesting when he said he was " Looking at my crown chakra. ", however. He asked me why I was here with him, when I could be doing something more productive. He seemed very confused. I told him it couldn't hurt, and he laughed. He then asked me how I opened my third eye. .. Opened my third eye? My third eye is open? Gee, where the hell have I been? At a strong loss for words, I darted my eyes about in wonderment. Back tracking a bit, I recall reading a very interesting article days prior to this about the opening of the third eye. The third eye may be accessed without the opening of the other chakras of the body, but the result will be unbalanced. According to Robert Taylor, it's like constructing a building from the sky down, which, we all know isn't possible. I told him I wouldn't know how I did it. His confused visage deepened. He told me to close it as soon as possible, for the kharmic repercussions are taking a large toll on my life. Thank you sir, now I'm confused. In the end the vibe I got from this guy was that he just needed someone to talk to about certain things. Oh, and he claimed to be a Wiccan for thirty years.

The reading was over, I dropped the twenty dollars on the table and walked back to the bookcase. The aforementioned vendor approached me once more with a piece of paper to join his mailing list and to exchange e-mail addresses. This person seemed more to my liking. He told me that he meets with a few O.T.O. initiates from time to time that belong to a lodge somewhere in Philadelphia, and goes to many of their seminars. Claiming no affiliation with any orders, he said that if I ever wanted to meet them he could " hook me up ", as he put it. I couldn't help but smile. I have three Friends that belong to seperate orders, so the more connections the merrier.

The next day I joined my friend-girl, which is my Mother's Friend (Strange, huh?) whom was with us to Barnes & Noble. They needed books on anatomy and diseases of the body to study for nursing School. I grabbed an interesting book on Carl Jung and took it with me to read with them, which I later bought. I really need to read more Jung. The particular part of the book I was reading was on the psychoanalysis of artists, and art in itself. This is something that highly, highly interests me, and has thus enhanced my perception quite a bit. I find it difficult to touch on the subjects in this book, for I seem to be in a state of bewilderment (How beautiful.) at the moment. In good time, I'll address it here with a new perspective on what it is to be an artist. Something higher, greater. May the envelope bend.

So lately I've been reflecting on a conversation that transpired about a week ago. There just couldn't be as beaten and disagreed a topic as evolution, which makes it all the more interesting. Some would say we're nearly finished evolving physically, and that the time for mental development is afoot. Others would say evolution is merely an interaction with our environment which ultimately brings change. Well, this is a little something I would like to call " evolving evolution 101 ", which is predominantly all in theory, because in all honesty, who the hell has answers about evolution? Charlie Darwin, sit down.

That said discussion revolved around the idea of the possibility of human beings evolving differently amongst eachother, instead of the whole of the race changing together. I of course mentioned my favorite past time, the Occult in the conversation and a few interesting insights spawned. This person mentioned some Occultists learning to access dormant parts of their brains other people cannot. That was an interesting theory, and largely leads me to think about the third eye chakra and the pineal gland attached to it. There's no doubt in my mind those who follow the left-hand path access many different things the majority of the population couldn't even begin to be aware of, but I never pondered it's long-term effects perhaps in the next few centuries.

So you have the large piece of the pie living their mundane day to day lives, and the smaller piece of the pie seeking Truth and the alchemy of being a human being. What changes are in store for us? What .. evolutions, may transpire? For once I'm choosing not to go out on a limb and guess, because I don't want to come off as monist, but I can't help but be astonished. The Occult tradition has been a part of the World for centuries already, but the age of Horus (Aquarius) has only just begun. It'd be interesting to see a sub-race, or sub-species turn up somewhere in our timeline. In fact, it wouldn't be all too surprising if it already has. We're already evolving differently under the rule of a totalitarian Government who keeps us stupid with the media and dying with beer and chicken nuggets. Those who are in power will continue to be in power with their Families and children, and the meek who suffer unknowingly will continue to do so. It seems to be already taking it's course.

There's more I wanted to add to this, but unfortunately something else is beckoning my presence, so if there's any interesting comments for me to feed off, I'll probably continue this in another entry. This right now, is just the tip of the ice-berg. Adios.

I'll kick this off with last night's harmonic concordance and the full lunar eclipse of the moon. A memorable experience in it's entirety. After devoting part of it's period in a seperate group effort, I used the remaining time for a more internal objective. I came to quite a few conclusions during this personal time, and the emotional charge attached to them were like no other. Prior to this I found myself engaged in a long-winded, but very interesting conversation with a Friend regarding everyone's favorite topics. Religion, evolution, relationships, etc. We saw eye to eye on a lot of them, but I couldn't help but notice an underlying flood of curiousity within me. I want answers. I need answers.

I re-acquainted myself with a few theories I concocted some time ago, and oddly enough I made some development with them. So what if we were somehow engineered by other beings from another place? No, for some reason, I couldn't stomach the idea. I didn't like the thought of being a measly creation at the hands of someone else, which has obviously eluded us if it is in fact true. These beautiful moments of inspiration, creativity, and love couldn't be the production of someone else. These are mine. These are my moments. All of these battles, the tragedy, the lessons learned, they are my own. They're ours.

I thought some about reincarnation, and how pseudo-logical it could seem compared with everything else. You die, you go to heaven and you live forever, or you can die and be reincarnated with the same soul on a journey to collect enough experience and wisdom to ultimately return with " God ". If that is in fact true, I think it should be a primary goal for everyone to remember their " cosmic memory " and get on with ascension. In light of that, the only end of the World I could imagine is that the World kept going ... as it is. Ultimately, I ended the thought with another possibility. Whatever belief you may hold, whatever dogma you might follow on your death bed, that's what you get. If reality is subjective, and we are all connected, then why wouldn't it be the same for death? Of course, another question is posed in the gleaning light of an answer, and justifiably so.

I also looked at the possibility of the majority of us are over-analyzing to a fault on what divinity may be. It's quite simple really, when you take what's there into account. We are here, in physical carnate living human lives in three dimensional space. Why should what may come after concern us now? It's nearly evident we won't be getting any answers here soon, so why fret? Right now divinity is like that phantom you chase, but inside know you will never truly catch to make it a part of you. That's just the way it could be.

So, given all of these contemplations without answers, I came to a solitary conclusion. Never stop questioning, never stop wondering, and never fall asleep. As long as you adhere to that, I think enlightenment will come to you, and it's pure. It's yours. Whatever life you lead, and whatever you questioned with the awe and fetal responses attached to it, that's what you're going to get. We're only human, however divine we may or may not be, but we're here for a reason. The experiences we have here seem that fundamental, and shying away from them is on the same coin as death.

If you're the kind of person who could never submit to any sort of pre-established doctrine for whatever, then I think finding your own framework is ideal.