your repetition of "just couldn't seem like suicide" is done quite well, it fits nicely and i really like it.

in what i'm guessing is an attempt to avoid cliché phrases, you've used some big words, which is alright, but maybe a litle too often..? thats just my opinion. it sort of stopped the flow while trying to figure out what that word meant.

overall i really like this piece, dark and yet... romantic. ...? yeah, i think thats the word i'm looking for.



[ n-s-v ]

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g.

I really want some of these people to realize your work is a journey...not a structured peice of littary perfection. thought amazingly even when you dont try it comes out perfect... heh maybe thats just the current giving us help :-D

once agian

you've taken your time to allow
the poison to coalesce in your veins.
fevered moments, coming so slow
just couldn't seem like suicide.
pain is sudden, but change is gradual
for you, and I watch you die
with worn dry eyes.

Worn dry eyes, your watching the death agian.
I dont know why but this seems impersonal.
your actually talking about someone?

I agree pain is sudden and change is very much so GRADUAL
but it is nesisary to complete and move on.
like a metaphor for change, desire and torture kiss each other.


the sharp syllables of our whispers
sound no longer; only the venerable
echoes communicate in
perpetual one-sided cacophony.
with each fading inflection of
their romance my chest
sinks another cavity.

comunicate in.
any other words woudl fail to speak to me.
romance in the chest is very well said.
liek a heaving destruction, or a false metaphor.


failing to ignore the sighs
of shadows aloft my ears,
I am reminded of the halos
we once crowned which
now constrict our shallow breaths.
an end so sweet, coming so slow
just couldn't seem like suicide.

"the light that fuled our fire then has burned a hole between us so we cannot seem to..."


the halos we once crowned which now contrict our shallow breaths.
\thats amazing... our gods have because false.. through years and decades of capitalistic marketeering we have ruined ideas and metaphor only hoping to one day return to a newly awakened world.

agian man!

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comment, to get comments.
share your kindness, not your hate.
love the art, before yourself.
meditate on this. [link]

your words are fantastically rhythmic I'd say I even see an influence of Tool in them. They flow fantastically. Expressing a pain that everyone feels eventually and everyone forgets.

excellence

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I support $Jark and $Matteo

Get Excommunicated
I AM THE ELECTRIC MESSIAH

Mucho gracias. I get that a lot about the Tool reference, but I can't place my finger on why. They're the most listened to Band on my end, but I try to consciously keep influences out of the picture. At any rate, that's probably the best complement I could ever have. Thanks a lot.

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" There is no Religion higher than the truth. "

beautiful work. the last stanza is especially poignant. i'd love to hear this set to music

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make me sad. make me mad. make me feel alright?

hmm so full of grace and pain

i missed your writing

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Thanks, and I've missed your photography. Where is it hiding? Thanks a great deal for the +fav.

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" There is no Religion higher than the truth. "

...This is such a beautiful piece...I especially like how you haven't shied away from using words which a lot of people wouldn't 'understand', this shows your true intelligence, and also makes this piece much more interesting to read than others who simply use 'stereotypical' words... I will have to find some more of your writing now

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My group: ~Just-An-Exit

My dA mum's group: ~bats

@>--Little Girl Lost--<@